I think I heard a snap. It wasn’t it was a literal snap but more a figurative snap from within me.  Something was markedly different the moment it happened.

What is a defining moment?  We all have them in our lives.  Those moments that mark time in our life.  Those moments you reference before or after that moment because things are never the same after that as they were before that.

I’ve always thought there are two kinds of defining moments. The first kind, many times we are fortunate enough to anticipate & prepare for such as the start of a new career, the birth of a child or a wedding day. The second, are those we have no control or anticipation of. Those are things like a uncontrollable accident, loss of a loved one or sudden end of a relationship.

Then there’s possibly the third kind.  The kind that slowly creep up on you. You feel the change happening or the moment coming, but you try to pray, hope or bargain it away. Even resulting to begging or arguing, out of weakness and fear you try everything in your power to rescue your current state of being.  Inside, you think that the moment will not come, always believing your efforts were successful or that they soon would be. You simply wait.  In denial.

Then the snap happens.  The defining moment has been prolonged in a stretched and bent state for so long that something finally gives. The outward forces directing the change were too strong…and all your efforts were too weak to stop that moment from finally snapping into a clear definition.

When the snap came for me it was as tangible as breaking a dish…but more like losing a treasured friendship.  It was immediate, concise and extremely significant. But very strangely, it was freeing.  After a short second of wondering how I could undo the snap and regain my loss, came a clear peace of mind reminding me how amazing my life is. That I am healthy, intelligent, successful, funny, attractive, talented and I am loved.  Why did I fight this? Why did I fear this? I don’t deserve to have my intensity, need for clarity or curiosity squelched.  No longer will I have my insistence on understanding and fairness ignored.  I wanted to compromise & bargain… I gladly would have…but that wasn’t wanted or accepted. But that is Okay. It’s perfectly Okay. I was sad for a moment, but I was not broken.

With clarity, I can say that after today, things will be different.  Today, I am different… and today, I am OK.


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